I know its fall when the Walgreens flu shot reminder arrives in my mail.
This time each year, I take my personalized, computerized paperwork and 30 bucks cash on the barrelhead to my neighborhood Walgreens. In minutes, the friendly staff pokes my arm and sends me on my way to a respiratory distress-free holiday season.
So I was surprised Friday when Annette the Pharmacy Intern asked for my insurance card. Flu shots are covered now? I asked.
It should be, Annette said.
Yes, for the $525 a month I pay Blue Cross for individual coverage, it probably should!
As Mike the Pharmacist prepared my vaccination, Annette scanned my card and learned that as far as Blue Cross was concerned, I was not only an invalid group, but also a nonmatch recipient.
She called the double-secret snafu hotline, an 800 number given only to pharmacists. After 20 minutes of scripted Socratic dialogue, the Voice on the Other End of the Helpline sent Annette to the 1-800 customer service number on my card.
Did I do what? Annette said 20 minutes later to the Voice on the Other End of the Helpline. I talked to you guys. You sent me somewhere else and they sent me back here. What do you mean resubmit the claim'? Ive submitted it five times already. Call back in two or three days? Is that what you want me to tell the patient who has been listening to this for an hour?
Now deep into the Comedy Central Zone, the Voice on the Other End of the Helpline advised Annette to Pick a different drug and run it through [the computer] again.
Yes, thats the ticket! Run me through as a cancer patient! Or AIDS! How about that Rick Perry Promiscuity Promotional Vaccination? Lets see if the Blue Cross computer will take that in lieu of flu!
Maybe theyll let you speak to the person who cashes my checks? I suggested.
They wouldnt, but each and every Voice at the Other End of the Helpline did ask Annette if there was anything else we can do for you today?
Its easy to make fun of those Voices at the Other End of the Helpline and for $525 a month, a premium payer is entitled to a little fun. But those Voices are somebodys children, and they deserve more from life than a mind-numbing, soul-destroying high-tech paper-shuffling job that adds billions to the cost of health care and nothing to the nations health.
In the time it took to play out this improvisational comedy sketch, Mike and Annette could have vaccinated the entire zip code.
Guest column: Florence Snyder is a Tallahassee-based corporate lawyer. She also consults on ethics and First Amendment issues. Contact her at lawyerflo@gmail.com.
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